The Inner Sanctum

I’m going on two weeks with this “quitting weed” thing. I’ve been rather irritable. Other than that…I’m good…I feel like a lab rat lol.

It seems that I’m finally feeling the effect of karma. I decide that I only want her and she has already moved on. She’s playing the same game with me that I played with her. I realized this after a 1am two-second conversation and an “I’ll call you back.” These are the times that I need to record a plethora of thoughts that you may call songs, but THAT outlet has been discontinued for the time being. What’s worse than pain is being inspired by that pain and having no outlet to properly express what’s swimming around in your head. I drown myself in meaningless things, hoping they will distract me from reality. The highest point in my life (thus far) have been the darkest days for me. I think I can finally appreciate a love song. That’s funny because I’ve loathed them for so long. I’ll convince myself soon enough that I’ll be fine. That’s the saddest lie that I’ll have to bring myself to tell. Let honesty excuse my betrayal.

These are sad times…I’m watching Jersey Shore for the 1st time and I’m ashamed.

Perception is judgement. Judgement is perception.

So, as this load of snow reduces me to a weekend hermit crab, I can’t help but think about this test I have to take. You see…I’ve pretty much made my mind up about joining the Air Force. I have to take a placement test (sort of) before they can find my job. I already know they’re going to try to swindle me into some low grade job that nobody wants to do, but I won’t budge. I have my heart/mind set on “Missile and Space Systems Electronics.” Basically, I would be fixing things on the site where missles and spaceships are launched. I would only work 12 days out of the month. The worst thing the Air Force can do is make me wait until there’s an opening for that job (6-9 months). They’ll try to persuade me to take another job because of the expedience. I’m not dumb. After they find my job, my new life begins. Basic training followed by Tech School. That will be a good 8 months of my life. THEN, I can start my job. I’ll have to serve 2 years before I can move off base. I surely do plan on getting OUT after those 2 years and I’ll get a civilian job. By then I’ll have a house and enough money where I don’t have to worry about bills and whatnot. I’m waiting for SOMETHING to go wrong, though. There’s always that one thing that messes everything up. We’ll see. I’ll go back to watching “Rugrats in Paris” because I have nothing better to do lol.